The Night We Met

If I had to pick my weakest moments throughout this divorce, it would be when I am driving alone in my car. Unfortunately my commute is anywhere from one hour to two depending on traffic. I used to love my commute, or any time I was able to drive on my own. I blast music and float back and forth between singing my lungs out, and letting my mind wander. Usually when I drive, I come up with some of my best lesson plans, or daydream about my day.

Now my car time has gone from a relaxing ride of genius teachable moments and daily anecdotes to a roller coaster of emotion. One moment I'm rising up thinking about the way Logan brushes my hair behind my ear with his thumb. The next, I fall as a memory of Ben brings me crashing down. The other day, on the way home I couldn't stop thinking about the night we met. I kept imagining the "adorable" way we would tell people our story. It would always start something like this...

"So how did you two meet?" 

Ben and I would share a secluded smile. He'd wrap his arm around my waist and pull me into his side, "I always love the way you tell it best."

I'd smile up at his 6'2" frame and then turn to our audience and begin, "Well it's funny because both of us almost didn't go out that night. We have our friends to thank for talking us into going to the bar." 

"Except Alan," Ben would laugh, "He's still bitter I got your number and he didn't!"

"We were at McGuire's. You know that Irish? It was karaoke night. Ben and I were making eye contact all night, and I could tell he was really shy. At one point, I smiled at him and and he looked behind him to see who I was smiling at." Ben would blush charmingly as everyone chuckled. 

"Finally, he starts to walk toward me. When he reaches my table, he touches my shoulder," I mimic his gesture from that night,"and says, 'Excuse me.' Then he literally pushes me to the side heads into the bathroom."

Ben cuts in, "I was so nervous I totally bottled it; I couldn't even speak to her!" Again, everyone chuckles.

"I had to leave at midnight to meet my cousin. So I walk up to him, Introduce myself and say, 'Hi, I'm Penelope. I have to go, but I am going to give you my phone number.' He was so flustered, it was adorable. I couldn't understand him with his accent. He even had to show me his ID so I could figure out what his name was. Then he started asking me things like, 'What do you do for a living?' and I was like, 'Okay, it was nice to meet you. Bye!' and then I left."

Ben would lean towards the crowd and stage whisper, "I called her later that night."

"And the rest is history," I would finish.

 It's funny how a moment that once felt as if all its parts crashed together in an act of fate can end up becoming just another story you'll never tell again. Sometimes when I get these thoughts, I let them rule me for a few miles. I cry, I let the pain well up. Sometimes I just try to think of something else. Like the other day at school.. 

Some of my female students were saying they thought Michelle Obama was such an awesome woman for saying, "“If I had worried about who liked me and who thought I was cute when I was your age, I wouldn’t be married to the President of the United States today.” I was pretty dismayed to hear my bright students praise that notion.

That quote is detrimental for young women to hear. In one sentence, Michelle Obama manages to define her life by her husband's success. It's wonderful that she is working towards inspiring young girls to focus more on their education than on romance. However, I have to ask, instead of ending that quote with her spouse's merit why couldn't she have said, "I wouldn't be a lawyer, and an activist who advocates for poverty awareness, higher education, and healthy living. I wouldn't have impacted the world,"? Isn't her own success reason enough to focus on education and learning?

Does anyone else have these moments when they lose control of their brain and it wanders at will (It happens to me in the shower sometimes too)?